EMDR Therapy for Grief
Summary
Experience: This page reflects clinical experience working with adults affected by grief that feels overwhelming, prolonged, or emotionally stuck. Many people described here are not only grieving a loss, but also struggling with intrusive memories, bodily distress, emotional numbness, or difficulty moving forward while still honouring their relationship with what was lost.
Expertise: The page explains how EMDR therapy can be adapted for grief-related distress, particularly when loss is complicated by trauma, sudden events, or unresolved attachment pain. It outlines how EMDR works with memory networks and nervous-system responses rather than attempting to remove or bypass the grieving process itself.
Professional authority: Dr. Millia Begum is a trained trauma specialist with over 25 years of clinical experience in psychiatry and therapy. She trained in the UK’s NHS system and served the NHS in various senior roles. She is a former EMDR Europe Approved Consultant, EMDR researcher, and board member of the EMDR Association UK. She is now a member of the EMDR International Association (EMDRIA). Dr. Millia is a Certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapist, bringing a compassionate, parts-informed approach to her work with clients in Dubai.
Trust and care standards: The page emphasizes safety, pacing, and informed consent. EMDR for grief is presented as an optional, collaborative therapeutic approach that supports integration and regulation, rather than forcing closure, exposure, or emotional resolution.
Key Points
- Grief does not follow a fixed timeline, and prolonged or intense grief responses are not signs of failure or weakness.
- Some forms of grief are complicated by trauma, sudden loss, unfinished relationships, or distressing memories.
- EMDR therapy does not aim to erase memories of loss, but to reduce the emotional and physiological distress linked to them.
- EMDR can be adapted for grief when symptoms include intrusive images, bodily activation, emotional numbness, or avoidance.
- Grief-focused EMDR is typically paced slowly and integrated with stabilisation and emotional regulation work.
- Not everyone grieving needs EMDR; suitability depends on readiness, safety, and individual circumstances.
- Therapeutic work around grief prioritises meaning, integration, and ongoing connection rather than forced closure.
How does EMDR therapy help with grief?
Grief can get emotionally and physically locked up if circumstances of death were tragically unexpected and traumatic. The nervous system can continue to remain frozen in shock, disbelief and denial. Other emotions like anger, guilt, self-blame, and internal conflicts can add more spanner’s to the mix. EMDR therapy helps process these traumatic aspects to allow the natural flow of grief.
How effective is EMDR therapy in alleviating grief?
EMDR therapy has evidence that it helps with Grief- related Post- traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In Grief-related PTSD. the person experiences symptoms like reliving the tragic scenes over and over again, flashbacks, nightmares along with feeling shock and disbelief. EMDR has been proven to help clear the traumatic elements of PTSD to give room for grief to move to its natural place.
How many EMDR therapy sessions do I need to resolve grief?
The number of EMDR therapy sessions varies. Grief following a traumatic death may require anywhere between 8-15 sessions or perhaps even more. Few or many sessions can involve important work of preparation. This means working either clients to trust their inner strengths, emotional capacities and resources. This internal sense of trust and safety is necessary before moving through the processing phase.
What if I am too afraid to undertaking EMDR therapy?
It is understandable if you are afraid of undertaking any therapy including EMDR. In this case, you may need a slower paced more gentler approach like Internal Family Systems Therapy so all fears and concerns are addressed and internal resilience is gradually built up. IFS therapy helps with grief in much more gentler ways than EMDR.
Frequently Asked Questions About EMDR Therapy for Grief
Is EMDR appropriate for grief?
EMDR can be helpful for some people experiencing grief, particularly when the loss is accompanied by traumatic memories, intrusive images, strong bodily reactions, or a sense of being emotionally stuck. It is not used to remove grief, but to reduce distress that interferes with natural grieving.
Will EMDR make me forget the person I lost?
No. EMDR does not erase memories or emotional bonds. It works to reduce the intensity of distressing reactions linked to specific memories, while preserving meaning, connection, and remembrance.
Is EMDR only for traumatic grief?
EMDR is most often considered when grief is complicated by trauma, sudden loss, shocking circumstances, or unresolved relational pain. Not all grief requires EMDR, and suitability is assessed carefully.
Can EMDR be used soon after a loss?
EMDR is not usually started immediately after bereavement. Early grief often benefits from support, stabilisation, and containment. EMDR may be considered later if distress remains intense or overwhelming.
What if I feel numb or disconnected rather than sad?
Emotional numbness or detachment can be part of the nervous system’s protective response to loss. EMDR may help when numbness is linked to unresolved traumatic stress, but pacing and readiness are essential.
Do I have to talk in detail about the loss during EMDR?
No. EMDR does not require detailed verbal retelling. The focus is on how memories are held in the mind and body, and sessions are guided carefully to maintain safety and emotional regulation.
How is EMDR for grief different from EMDR for PTSD?
When used for grief, EMDR is adapted to respect ongoing attachment and meaning. The goal is not to remove grief, but to reduce overwhelming distress so grieving can continue in a more integrated way.
What if I am not ready for EMDR?
EMDR is always optional. Many people benefit first from supportive therapy, stabilisation, or meaning-focused work. Readiness, safety, and consent are prioritised at every stage.
Can EMDR help with anniversaries, reminders, or flashbacks?
EMDR may help reduce intense reactions triggered by reminders, anniversaries, or sensory cues when these responses are linked to unresolved traumatic memory networks.
Is EMDR suitable for complicated or prolonged grief?
EMDR can be considered as part of a broader therapeutic approach when grief remains intense and impairing over time, particularly when trauma, guilt, or shock are present.
I have had EMDR therapy for grief, but I feel worse after this.
Sometimes, if preparation prior to the processing phase of EMDR therapy was not adequate, fears may show up after the session. Other times, if emotional suppression and avoidance has been a default strategy in life, this makes working through big feelings like grief harder. Conflicts about whether to move on or not, to proceed or not, may bring dilemmas that don’t let the EMDR process proceed. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for grief works better in these circumstances.
How does Eye Movements help with resolving grief?
Eye Movements are part of the EMDR therapy process. The therapy does not resolve grief, but helps clear the traumatic parts of the memory that does not let grief to proceed in a natural way. How eye movements help with this is not fully known.
🎧 Learn more about why Eye Movements work in this podcast episode with Dr. Millia and Professor Ad de Jongh via the EMDR Association UK – Working Memory Theory (Part 2).